Warning: this post mentions sexual abuse.
Story time: I experienced sexual abuse as soon as I reached puberty, on and off until young adulthood. I won't go into much detail in this post. Unfortunately, it is a lived experience for many people. You can ask any woman you know and almost 100% of them have experienced at least one form of sexual abuse in their life. However, despite going through several incidents, I never wanted to be a victim. Besides therapy, I actively sought different ways to be in control again, to take agency over my own body. One of them is dancing.
As mentioned in a previous post, I had a hard time during my early adulthood, feeling conflicted between expressing my sensuality and protecting myself from unwanted attention. I used to post sensual dance videos and then take them down whenever I received a rude comment. I used to blame myself for presenting as "promiscuous" and "slutty" and therefore inviting all the suggestive and weird comments.
Everything changed when I stepped into pole dancing — THE erotic dance that originated from strippers. Somehow, I was drawn to this dance form. I was amazed watching pole dancers lifting and flying around a metal rod — so powerful and graceful! So I decided to give it a go.
My first pole class was… quite a shock. Everyone was comfortable moving in very little fabric. The warm-up was long and exhausting. The exercises were extremely difficult. The tricks seemed impossible. However, the athletic aspect helped me focus on feeling and coordinating my body instead of worrying about how I looked.
After a while, I got desensitized to tiny outfits and became comfortable wearing them (the skin exposure helped me stick easily to the metal pole). I got obsessed with pole and kept going back to classes, gaining a lot of strength and body confidence.
I started reading about pole history and grew an appreciation for sex workers. I loved how they popularised this art form, taking it from strip clubs to mainstream studios, competitions, and stages all around the world. Pole dance as an art form started as serving the male gaze but slowly transformed into female empowerment.
Personally, practising pole has changed my relationship with myself. When I dance, I can be as slutty as I want (IDGAF energy), not to please anyone but to express my own story and sensuality. I'm in full control of my body. When I'm on stage or recording a pole video, I decide how I want to be seen. I don't mind ignoring, blocking, or calling out people whenever they send me rude messages.
It is a conscious choice to reclaim myself through sensual dance, and I understand people might choose different paths. What about you? If any part of my story resonates with you, please do share!