Not many people know that I used to be constantly bullied in school. Kids pick on my look: my thick glasses, braces and a big birthmark on my cheek. They called me "the ugly girl" — a character in a popular TV drama in Vietnam in 2008. Going through puberty, I was also picked on because of my flat chest and skinny body. "Like a man." Throughout my teenage years, I was convinced that I was unattractive and I pushed myself to make peace with that.
At 17, I went to study in the UK. I explored the world with wide opened eyes, learned how to party, and expanded my social circle rapidly. I joined my university's cheerleading team and suddenly, I became one of the hotties. Some might call it a glow up, like a typical 2000s movie when the nerd got a makeover and became drop-dead gorgeous. I was showered in compliments, called "hot and sexy", guys offered to buy drinks for me, and strangers smile at me all the time. I was experiencing "pretty privilege". I ventured out and played with my look through clothing and different hair colours. I started having more photos taken and really enjoyed looking at myself in the mirror.
After a while, I grew tired of unwanted attention. I hated being sexually assaulted, getting rude DMs, feeling objectified as some people don't see me beyond the sex appeal. Besides, my self-image was unstable and conditional. I only feel confident when I dress up and my hair sits right on my face. I felt deeply conflicted: I enjoyed the external validation that I'm attractive, but I hated all the unwanted attention that came with it. I wanted to express and enjoy my appearance, but I didn't like how superficial I became.
At this point, I got exposed to the dance world. Starting with partner dance (Salsa, Bachata, Kizomba), I then tried out solo dance (heels, pole, contemporary,...). Dancing became a safe space to express myself. By turning, twisting, jumping, gliding, feeling my body moving in different ways, I experienced a deeper sense of beauty. Not just through aesthetic, but through the harmonization of my body and mind.
I felt so powerful and confident when I danced. I wasn't being looked at in a passive way. I actively chose to show myself how I like to be seen. My body became instrumental. For the first time, I felt confident even on a bad hair day. I enjoyed dancing so much that I didn't stop since. I quit my corporate job and became a dance teacher. I love bringing my personal experiences into my teaching and helping people feel at home in their body. Seeing people glowing with confidence is the biggest reward for me.
I no longer have to ask myself "Am I Beautiful?". I feel it from within. I get to see beauty in other people every day. I hope one day everyone will feel it too.
If this resonates with you in some ways, let me know in the comment.